French Fries and Fish Sticks

What were your dreams as a child? I don't necessarily remember all of mine, but some are recorded in a special keepsake book my mom helped me with all throughout grade school.  I'm so glad she did because I wouldn't have remembered all of them! I don't have it with me at the moment, but I do remember looking through it in recent years - reminiscing about former dreams and aspirations.  Each school year there was a spot to record what I wanted to be when I "grew up".  For many years I wrote "teacher", then it changed to "doctor", then to "lawyer"; this was all before 7th grade!

I never did achieve any of those goals.  I did, however, receive a degree in Environmental Science.  Sometimes it saddens me that I can't use my degree in Abilene, as there just isn't industry to support it. Overall I understand that God knows what's best.  Sometimes I miss having a career though.  Putting in effort and receiving a "reward", also known to most people as a pay-check.  I liked annual reviews that allowed me to reflect on my past responsibilities, hearing feedback from my boss, to learn from challenges or mistakes and mostly to get ready to take the next step up the corporate ladder.

None of what I learned directly relates to being a homemaker. Sigh. I know and have known many moms who say "parenting is it's own reward" while smiling all a long, but can I be honest and say sometimes it doesn't feel like it?

In this season of life I am finding my main struggle or challenge is to be present.  To live for and love the season I'm in, without wishing it away for someday in the future.  I look around at friends with older children and see the freedom they have with their time, while most of my days start at 2, 3, or 4 am with my little gentleman poking me in the face saying "it's time to wake up momma."  I still have small children who are very dependent on me and it can be taxing at times.  Another challenge I'm walking through is to search out the rewards. They aren't always obvious, and may not come regularly, but they're there.  Just as I was typing out these thoughts my two-year-old ran up and gave me a squeeze and said "I love you berry so much mom" and took off again.

My tank has been filled up a little more. So I keep pressing forward, trying to remain present, grateful and to keep my eyes open for those little rewards that make it all worth it. You can't trust your feelings, you know, but you can trust the fruit of your labor.  Thanks for hearing me out on the woes of motherhood... it's time to run - again.

French fries, fish sticks, funny faces and funky smells are calling me! Until next time...

J